I just got back from work. It was *supposed* to be my day off, and I fear I am getting sick, so I wasn’t pleased about getting called in. My heart has been acting up which is kind of scaring me. My roomate Don had a good point. I am very allergic to mold, and being California it’s been wet enough to let mold grow around here, but not cold enough to kill it, so that might be why I’m feeling like shit.

Somehow I always have a hard time believing that yet another year has passed. I took on my tasks last year with more vigor than the years prior, and I got a surprisingly large amount accomplished. I have pursued my art more honestly and have found more fulfillment than years prior. I thrilled my mind by continuing to expand my knowledge about the universe in which we live, and I felt my eyes and mind swell as they took in the beauty of the world around me.

I honestly cannot say as though I’ll ever get used to the weather in California. There is no goddamn snow. It’s not too cold. It’s not warm. It’s gloomy at least, and I am thankful for that much. This is JANUARY! A time for snow! Sledding and snowmen! Instead it’s in the 50’s all day. Warm enough to piss me off and cold enough to kill my plants. This is not a place I wish to spend my years. As a child I dreamt of a place in the country close to the forest much like where I grew up. Now I look into my future and it is all a blur. Is this normal with the progression of time? As we age and our minds expand with new ideas and experiences is it normal for the progression of time to seem hurried and indistinguishable to anybody less than a meditating sage? Conceptually I *know* time is passing. I *know* this to be true, as much as one could possibly know anything, but it is a hard concept to wrap one’s being around when there is no feeling of time passed. It is just a changing date. The weather stays mostly the same here. There are no seasons. Nothing with which I usually am able to monitor the passage of time. Is it normal to notice this and look to the future to see nothing but a veil?

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been renovating my portfolio site over at www.elizabeth-gray.net It’s not finished yet as I need to get some images of my work done, and the lighting in my house is too finicky to get any decent images.  I’ve also started a creativity blog over at http://www.elizabeth-gray.net/blog/ Pretty much just a way for those interested in my art to get more insight into my art.

Here it is….. Monday, the first Monday of the new year. I’ve never really been a fan of Mondays, but this Monday, I feel as though I can be superlatively productive as I received my shipment of 7 canvases!!!! I’m working on a piece for a show regarding a woman’s role in the kitchen for a show, and another piece I’m working on which was originally the diptych of the eyeball piece, but is evolving into piece that will be standing alone.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night coughing. It was the strangest thing. I have these strange dreams every night where I am still mostly aware of what’s going on with my body, and I can force myself to wake up if I want to, which naturally I don’t. Well, last night in my dream I felt something was stuck in my throat. I couldn’t force myself to wake up though. I could tell I was coughing and coughing, and I couldn’t wake up. When I finally did wake up, my lungs were burning and I was coughing like crazy for the next few minutes. Ryan was rubbing my back seemingly very worried. I have no idea what was going on. My lungs still hurt from that.

Off to work on my day off today, so in the meantime, I’m gonna eat some cherrio’s and do some work in my studio. ^_^

I’m sitting at Ryan’s work right now waiting for him to get done with some stuff he had to come in and finish. We were going to get pho on the way but being New Year’s Eve everywhere in the area seems to be closed, which is frustrating.

This is my last post of 2008, and also the one in which I reflect on what happened in this past year. What I’ve done with my life, and what I hope to do in the following year.

This year I have watched a lot of movies, played a lot of games, read a bunch of books, fell in love an moved across country because he asked me to. Worked at Starbucks, worked at Palace Cafe, worked at Terra Cotta. Started 3 novels, which are currently in various stages of completion. I have not done nearly as many paintings as I would have hoped since I didn’t start to feel suddenly inspired until October. I learned how to throw pottery. I learned that I actually have some damned talent when it comes to painting. I have learned scads of information about the Ottoman conquer of Constantinople in 1453 by Sultan Mehmed II. I learned a bunch about Vlad Tepes, and also about early Christianity in Bulgaria and Romania.

I discovered I love Californication. I’ve learned I can put up with unfathomable amounts of bullshit from customers and shitty managers. I’ve learned don’t be an asshole at Starbucks or you’ll be a member of the Decaf Club receiving only decaf in your drinks until your attitude changes. I learned computational linguistics is ahead of the curve, but is a great field to get into. I learned Estonia has all organic food without the stickers saying it’s organic and they rarely eat out since everything is homemade.

For 2009 I intend to continue to expand my knowledge about the world in which we live and create as much art as possible.

Well it’s Christmas again already. I cannot say I am truly pleased by this. I haven’t been looking forward to the holiday by any means. I am 3,000 miles from my family and without any of the comforts of the holiday season. Ryan’s folks are here, so we’re spending the next few days together. We don’t have a tree. We don’t have any lights. I don’t have my nativity. (Which is an odd thing for me to have in the first place since I am not religious) And there is no snow. It doesn’t feel like Christmas. Sadly.

Merry Christmas to all ye faithful.

Out of all of my friends, I am slowly becoming the only one that isn’t pregnant or married.

Which would be acceptable if we were all in our late twenties, early thirties, but we’re not.

Most of my girlfriends from back east are pregnant, or have a child already. One of my friends knocked up his girlfriend who he has only been dating because he doesn’t wanna be alone. KD is married at 20 years old. It’s disconcerting. What the hell is up with this?

An older guy hangs out at my work and we talk a lot. He’s sort of adopted me. He was telling me that his granddaughter is pregnant and wants to keep it. She is 18 years old. Her mother is a gone again Christitan and wouldn’t let her use birth control or contraceptives. What the fuck? We know what causes pregnancy and yet unwanted pregnancies are running rampant, spreading like wild fire.

In other news, my mother and her newest beau are living happily together! Finally!! I’m so stoked! It’s about damn time she had someone who treats her well and makes her happy.